Is it inappropriate to invite all my coworkers except for one person to a private event?












65















I work in a fairly small department, I have 8 coworkers. 7 of them are great, we're good friends, and I love spending time with them - we hang out outside of work often, but usually in groups of 3-4. The other guy has sexually harassed me and my wife separately (my wife doesn't work here), gets really drunk and says racist things, and has to dominate every conversation.



I've recently moved to a new house, and I'd like to have my work friends over for a dinner party. I know it would be a ton of fun with the coworkers I'm close with, and this guy would absolutely ruin it. Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?










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  • 11





    Do HR or your boss know about the sexual harassment already? If not, do you have enough documentation (dates, times, details, witnesses if any) to back it up if asked? If HR doesn't know or doesn't believe you, and the guy complains about being excluded, it could be hard to deal with.

    – Kevin
    yesterday






  • 11





    Yes HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened.

    – synthesis
    yesterday






  • 19





    It's not a work-related function so no it's inappropriate. I'd recommend adding significant others or other friends to the mix so it isn't just your work friends. Seems less cliquey that way.

    – jcmack
    20 hours ago






  • 7





    "HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened" - something will, when someone takes the legal route. HR seem delinquent in their duties here, and it is liable to come back and bite them, and the company.

    – Mawg
    14 hours ago








  • 21





    @jcmack: I'm not quite following. It's not a work function and therefore it's inappropriate to not invite him? This implies that it would be appropriate to not invite him to work functions? Did you get your wires crossed or am I missing something?

    – Flater
    13 hours ago
















65















I work in a fairly small department, I have 8 coworkers. 7 of them are great, we're good friends, and I love spending time with them - we hang out outside of work often, but usually in groups of 3-4. The other guy has sexually harassed me and my wife separately (my wife doesn't work here), gets really drunk and says racist things, and has to dominate every conversation.



I've recently moved to a new house, and I'd like to have my work friends over for a dinner party. I know it would be a ton of fun with the coworkers I'm close with, and this guy would absolutely ruin it. Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?










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  • 11





    Do HR or your boss know about the sexual harassment already? If not, do you have enough documentation (dates, times, details, witnesses if any) to back it up if asked? If HR doesn't know or doesn't believe you, and the guy complains about being excluded, it could be hard to deal with.

    – Kevin
    yesterday






  • 11





    Yes HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened.

    – synthesis
    yesterday






  • 19





    It's not a work-related function so no it's inappropriate. I'd recommend adding significant others or other friends to the mix so it isn't just your work friends. Seems less cliquey that way.

    – jcmack
    20 hours ago






  • 7





    "HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened" - something will, when someone takes the legal route. HR seem delinquent in their duties here, and it is liable to come back and bite them, and the company.

    – Mawg
    14 hours ago








  • 21





    @jcmack: I'm not quite following. It's not a work function and therefore it's inappropriate to not invite him? This implies that it would be appropriate to not invite him to work functions? Did you get your wires crossed or am I missing something?

    – Flater
    13 hours ago














65












65








65


4






I work in a fairly small department, I have 8 coworkers. 7 of them are great, we're good friends, and I love spending time with them - we hang out outside of work often, but usually in groups of 3-4. The other guy has sexually harassed me and my wife separately (my wife doesn't work here), gets really drunk and says racist things, and has to dominate every conversation.



I've recently moved to a new house, and I'd like to have my work friends over for a dinner party. I know it would be a ton of fun with the coworkers I'm close with, and this guy would absolutely ruin it. Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?










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I work in a fairly small department, I have 8 coworkers. 7 of them are great, we're good friends, and I love spending time with them - we hang out outside of work often, but usually in groups of 3-4. The other guy has sexually harassed me and my wife separately (my wife doesn't work here), gets really drunk and says racist things, and has to dominate every conversation.



I've recently moved to a new house, and I'd like to have my work friends over for a dinner party. I know it would be a ton of fun with the coworkers I'm close with, and this guy would absolutely ruin it. Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?







colleagues relationships






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edited 19 mins ago









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asked yesterday









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  • 11





    Do HR or your boss know about the sexual harassment already? If not, do you have enough documentation (dates, times, details, witnesses if any) to back it up if asked? If HR doesn't know or doesn't believe you, and the guy complains about being excluded, it could be hard to deal with.

    – Kevin
    yesterday






  • 11





    Yes HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened.

    – synthesis
    yesterday






  • 19





    It's not a work-related function so no it's inappropriate. I'd recommend adding significant others or other friends to the mix so it isn't just your work friends. Seems less cliquey that way.

    – jcmack
    20 hours ago






  • 7





    "HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened" - something will, when someone takes the legal route. HR seem delinquent in their duties here, and it is liable to come back and bite them, and the company.

    – Mawg
    14 hours ago








  • 21





    @jcmack: I'm not quite following. It's not a work function and therefore it's inappropriate to not invite him? This implies that it would be appropriate to not invite him to work functions? Did you get your wires crossed or am I missing something?

    – Flater
    13 hours ago














  • 11





    Do HR or your boss know about the sexual harassment already? If not, do you have enough documentation (dates, times, details, witnesses if any) to back it up if asked? If HR doesn't know or doesn't believe you, and the guy complains about being excluded, it could be hard to deal with.

    – Kevin
    yesterday






  • 11





    Yes HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened.

    – synthesis
    yesterday






  • 19





    It's not a work-related function so no it's inappropriate. I'd recommend adding significant others or other friends to the mix so it isn't just your work friends. Seems less cliquey that way.

    – jcmack
    20 hours ago






  • 7





    "HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened" - something will, when someone takes the legal route. HR seem delinquent in their duties here, and it is liable to come back and bite them, and the company.

    – Mawg
    14 hours ago








  • 21





    @jcmack: I'm not quite following. It's not a work function and therefore it's inappropriate to not invite him? This implies that it would be appropriate to not invite him to work functions? Did you get your wires crossed or am I missing something?

    – Flater
    13 hours ago








11




11





Do HR or your boss know about the sexual harassment already? If not, do you have enough documentation (dates, times, details, witnesses if any) to back it up if asked? If HR doesn't know or doesn't believe you, and the guy complains about being excluded, it could be hard to deal with.

– Kevin
yesterday





Do HR or your boss know about the sexual harassment already? If not, do you have enough documentation (dates, times, details, witnesses if any) to back it up if asked? If HR doesn't know or doesn't believe you, and the guy complains about being excluded, it could be hard to deal with.

– Kevin
yesterday




11




11





Yes HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened.

– synthesis
yesterday





Yes HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened.

– synthesis
yesterday




19




19





It's not a work-related function so no it's inappropriate. I'd recommend adding significant others or other friends to the mix so it isn't just your work friends. Seems less cliquey that way.

– jcmack
20 hours ago





It's not a work-related function so no it's inappropriate. I'd recommend adding significant others or other friends to the mix so it isn't just your work friends. Seems less cliquey that way.

– jcmack
20 hours ago




7




7





"HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened" - something will, when someone takes the legal route. HR seem delinquent in their duties here, and it is liable to come back and bite them, and the company.

– Mawg
14 hours ago







"HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened" - something will, when someone takes the legal route. HR seem delinquent in their duties here, and it is liable to come back and bite them, and the company.

– Mawg
14 hours ago






21




21





@jcmack: I'm not quite following. It's not a work function and therefore it's inappropriate to not invite him? This implies that it would be appropriate to not invite him to work functions? Did you get your wires crossed or am I missing something?

– Flater
13 hours ago





@jcmack: I'm not quite following. It's not a work function and therefore it's inappropriate to not invite him? This implies that it would be appropriate to not invite him to work functions? Did you get your wires crossed or am I missing something?

– Flater
13 hours ago










15 Answers
15






active

oldest

votes


















85














If you are all peers, it is simply very, very rude. It sounds like you may not care about that, since the person who you want to exclude deserves to be excluded.



If you are a manager, then it gets problematic, rather than just rude. According to Alison at AskAManager, you are opening yourself up to legitimate charges of favoritism. If you are in HR, that could also be a problem (Another AskAManager link).



If you are all peers, and you want to send a message as well as have a good time, then invite all but the one co-worker.






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  • 100





    The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.

    – dbeer
    23 hours ago






  • 42





    It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.

    – Echox
    23 hours ago






  • 5





    @Echox very much yes.

    – thursdaysgeek
    23 hours ago






  • 30





    @Echox I disagree. It would be rude to draw attention to it (announcing something like everyone who isn’t a bigoted, sexually harassing asshole is invited to my house warming party), but simply excluding an unpleasant coworker from your social activities isn’t rude... it’s normal. In adult life, outside of an elementary school classroom, there’s just no obligation to include everyone or no one in a social activity - invite the people you want to invite, and any “socially well adjusted” adult is going to get that and not have a problem with it.

    – HopelessN00b
    16 hours ago






  • 21





    @Battle The legitimate charges of favouritism bit only applies if the OP is a manager. But if the OP is a manager, has been sexually harassed by one of his coworkers, and hasn't done anything about it at work, then we have an entirely different question on our hands.

    – bornfromanegg
    13 hours ago



















85















Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?




It's your party.



That means you get to invite whoever you like and exclude whoever you choose.






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  • 24





    And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)

    – Peter M
    22 hours ago








  • 2





    It's not because you get to decide who you invite to your party that it's appropriate to invite everyone but one person. These are two totally unrelated propositions.

    – BriseFlots
    15 hours ago






  • 3





    Wow, cool. 'Cos I was hoping to invite my mistress to the party my wife has organised for me. Glad to hear that's not inappropriate. I mean, it's my party, right?

    – bornfromanegg
    13 hours ago








  • 4





    @PeterM - ...you would cry too if it happened to you. LOL! Now I can't get that song out of my head.

    – Joe Strazzere
    10 hours ago






  • 4





    @BriseFlots That's exactly why it's appropriate. It's a personal party, not a work event. You can choose to invite whoever you want to your personal party, same as every personal party; and there's no real reason choosing some coworkers for a party in your personal time is a workplace issue. There could be social implications, just like every interaction with people, but from a workplace perspective, the party invitations alone are perfectly acceptable.

    – JMac
    10 hours ago



















40














You're not inviting your co-workers, you're inviting your friends you happen to work with. That co-worker is not your friend, so you do not invite him.



You may want to inform the invitees that he has not been invited. By your description, they'll probably be relieved, but at the very least they'll know to keep quiet about the invitation if necessary.






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  • 1





    +1 This! Work and private life should be separated - because of such things it is never a good idea to blur the edges.

    – rexkogitans
    10 hours ago






  • 4





    Best answer IMO. The answers which suggest it is rude don't seem to be factoring in that we're talking about a party taking place at the OP's house

    – Jon Bentley
    8 hours ago











  • That's because for some reason the title says event. If there was an "event" at my house I'd have to call the cops or the FD.

    – Mazura
    3 hours ago











  • While I do agree, I feel inviting 3 of 10 or 100 employees is definitely not rude yet inviting all but one (2 out of 3, 9 out of 10 etc) would still be considered rude. I think OP has good reason regardless, and shouldn't worry about it

    – Tas
    1 hour ago



















20














Yes it would be rude, and the possible awkwardness is a risk that you would have to be willing to deal with.



But of course, not inviting him is the right move to make. Him spoiling your party sounds like a far worse outcome.



You just need to prepared for some perhaps passive-aggressive dynamics in the workplace - but I imagine this guy knows why he is being excluded.



The other awkward scenario is that he directly confronts you why he wasn't invited, in which case you can give him an honest and direct answer.






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  • From reading other comments, there seems to be a significant % of people who find nothing rude about choosing who to invite or not invite to your own house (myself included). It may be useful therefore to expand a little on why you believe it would be rude.

    – Jon Bentley
    8 hours ago













  • @JonBentley: Imagine you're chatting in a group of eight friends, and a ninth friend comes up and gives a separate, personal "Hi, <name>!" to each individual person in your group . . . except you. Would you not feel snubbed? If they'd only given personal hellos to one or two people, it would feel positive with respect to those people; but by giving them to all but one person, it instead feels negative about that person -- you. If you cared about that friendship, you might even talk to them later to make sure you hadn't offended them in some way.

    – ruakh
    9 mins ago





















9














YOUR house, YOUR rules.



You're not forced to invite an unwanted person in your house around your loved ones (probably including children) who has previous records of misbehaving and sexual harrasement in a public place, let alone what he could do in a private and intimate place.



I can argue that inviting him could pose a security threat also, given that most likely alcohol will be around.






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    6














    You mention this person having harassed you and your wife on separate occasions. You are having a party for your new house (I imagine your wife will be present), you are inviting some people from work you have a good relation with, and you are doubting to invite that one bad person. How will your wife feel about that person being invited, you think, about inviting a harassing person into her own house? How will she react when she finds out you are even considering inviting that person? Why do you even care whether or not this is appropriate?






    share|improve this answer


























    • I agree with your first paragraph but I'm not sure what you're trying to imply by the second "I'm sorry, but I have the impression you're not telling the whole story." From what I can tell, the OP is just looking to make sure there's no workplace repurcussions from not inviting this one guy. That would explain why they've asked it here.

      – Philbo
      13 hours ago











    • @Philbo: you're right. I've adapted my answer accordingly.

      – Dominique
      13 hours ago






    • 2





      I think this answer would be improved by clearly stating your response to OP's question, rather than merely asking rhetorical questions and leaving people to assume your implied conclusion.

      – V2Blast
      6 hours ago



















    3














    Just want to contribute my view. For me excluding one of your co-workers for a party is a bit demeaning. But because of the fact that one of your co-workers act rudely, because of the harassment that you are saying, then it is high time for him to be excluded in such occasions especially that you want it to be a pure fun get-together. Then if he confronts you for such action, then just tell him/her of his rudeness and make him/her realize it.






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    • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

      – V2Blast
      6 hours ago



















    3














    If I found out I was the only one not being asked to a party, I would definitely be upset (you may not care, but do we want to make it worse?).



    But when you mentioned that you get together in groups of 3-4, an idea came to my mind - Plan TWO parties. Invite 3 or 4 of your coworker friends to the first party, and then invite the remaining friends to the second party. You are still excluding the one coworker, but since you aren't inviting everyone to each party it would be less obvious, and more like the get-togethers that are already happening.






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    • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

      – V2Blast
      6 hours ago











    • I don't see how this helps. Both parties are the same, OP is invited to neither, and everyone would be able to easily figure out that the two parties they were invited to in the same place at the same time are in fact the same party. I don't see the benefit of this compared to just inviting individuals to your party as you normally would. Not being a part of two groups could still make the coworker upset, possibly more so if they figure out it was the same party. Inviting individuals who you get along well with seems like it would be the same; but without having to act like 2 parties.

      – JMac
      3 hours ago











    • @JMac: Where did you get "in the same place at the same time" from? This answer is literally suggesting having two separate dinner parties, presumably on different days or different weeks. It doesn't have to be the set-up for a sitcom. ;-)

      – ruakh
      6 mins ago



















    1














    If it is not workplace related then you can invite whoever you want.



    But if it can somehow be seen as workplace related then this would constitute bullying by exclusion.






    share|improve this answer



















    • 4





      I think you could bolster this answer with some examples of unacceptable exclusions. Perhaps exclusion from a company sports team, or department milestone celebration dinner, that sort of thing might count as improper.

      – Booga Roo
      18 hours ago






    • 3





      @BoogaRoo the example used in training videos here is when you come into the office and you say hi to everyone but deliberately ignore one person, if it is repeated or obvious then it is bullying.

      – solarflare
      18 hours ago






    • 1





      In training examples, bullying is normally in a work-related context, such as not inviting a team member to a working lunch or excluding them from a planning meeting that everyone else attends. It is not about what happens in a personal context, such as inviting work-mates into your home for a house-warming.

      – Peter
      12 hours ago











    • @Peter I could see a grey area being when you invite everyone during work hours. The obvious solution would be to call/text/talk to them outside of work to invite them, therefore removing the possibility of making your coworker feel excluded from something work related and therefore "bullied".

      – JMac
      3 hours ago











    • @Peter thats why I said "workplace related". If it is a personal activity then no one can dispute it. However for an external meeting to become a "workplace related activity" all it would take is people to start discussing work, then it becomes a work related meeting. OP is on thin ice with this one, the safest thing to do is invite everyone and be civil. (IMHO)

      – solarflare
      1 hour ago



















    1














    Telling a personal story, it did happen to me that two coworkers did not invite me for their respective marriages, while inviting most people in the department.



    I did nothing about it. I have no quarrel with them, and those are particularly expensive parties, so I respect their right to invite whoever they want. In both cases, other people came to me and asked if I would be attending, to which I provided lame excuses. In both cases I did not confront them, despite I suspecting the invitations had been handed at the workplace while I was in vacation, but I thought of no way to ask about that which would not result in the person believing I wanted to invite myself.



    A party at your house could also be a subject of limited attendee's numbers. There's at least a finite number of chairs at your house. It could as well be your wife's party.



    In your case, you do have a reason to have issues with said colleague.



    My advice is that you should avoid to do this kind of party frequently. One party I'm not invited, I suck it up. If every week there's a party and I'm out, this crosses the border to what I believe I should tolerate.



    Then again, if you are not a manager now or in the near future, what could said person do? In my case there was nothing HR could or should do for me. You mention that HR did nothing about the harassment situation, maybe he has actually been adverted verbally or in written in private (as this things should be done), but you were not informed. Would receiving a warning pose a problem to you? If I was your manager, I'd follow the companies policies, but I would think no less of you for a misconduct of this kind.



    Consider as well to invite the person out of politeness, If someone I dislike is hosting an event, I'll likely be voluntarily out, maybe I'll show up late and leave early. Seems like your guy would not do this though.



    In a different note, remember to maintain friends outside the workplace! I strongly recommend having a social life that does not depend on coworkers. Imagine you get fired, would you be able to keep up attending parties with all the coworkers who are still at the same company? If you became their boss, wouldn't that unbalance the relationships? I'm saying that because if I moved to a new place, I would first throw a party with my non-coworker friends.






    share|improve this answer































      0














      It is your party, and therefore appropriate to invite only who you want to. If you don't invite him and he confronts you, tell him he was not invited because your wife specifically asked you not to invite him, due to his previous sexual harassment of her.






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      • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

        – V2Blast
        6 hours ago











      • If it were me, and my wife were the reason I wasn't inviting someone, I wouldn't bring her into it. Either take the heat for it or because it is work give another (possibly transparent/flimsy) excuse like "We only had enough chairs for X people."

        – J. Chris Compton
        5 hours ago



















      0














      (1) Make invitations orally - no e-mail trail unless it is personal e-mails or texts.

      (2) Make it explicit who is invited and who is not, but you do not have to justify why or any details, not even about the harassment or anything - that is a separate issue.



      Example: "Hi Jane, I'm having a housewarming on XYZ, would you and yours be interested in attending? This is a private event with some other coworkers."



      === The Sexual Harassment is absolutely not related to this question, but I'd advise you to make sure you follow-up on that ===






      share|improve this answer































        0














        I don't necessarily agree that inviting the colleagues creates an obligation to invite all 8. As a person, I may invite any friends I wish to my parties, and clearly the one colleague is not my friend. The key here is that this party does not become a work event. I can have fun with people, but if I'm making the party about work, then it would not be appropriate to exclude only one work colleague.






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        • Yeah, just invite some non-work people and it won't be thought of as a "work event"

          – Noah Cristino
          2 hours ago



















        0














        That depends, how bad is the --




        The other guy has sexually harassed me and my wife separately (my wife
        doesn't work here), gets really drunk and says racist things, and has
        to dominate every conversation.




        yeah, come on, you know the answer to this. You don't owe him anything. If I was one of your coworkers, I'd be upset if you invited him. Don't invite him.






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          -2














          You opted to invite (nearly) all your coworkers. In a sense, you have now created a privately sanctioned company party. You can dress it up any other way you wish, but few people will see it any other way.



          By excluding one coworker, you are going to be burning bridges, and your coworkers that are present will notice. This doesn't go over well for you in the long term.



          Should you invite the person, their actions will be their own, and you will be a gracious host. Should you not invite the person, your actions will be your own, and even if most people agree with them today, any sympathy the person can raise will illustrate that you did the slight, and your coworkers will notice that you are willing to hurt the feelings of others.



          In short, you have little to gain by not inviting this person.






          share|improve this answer
























          • That can be fixed by inviting a non-work friend to the party.

            – J. Chris Compton
            5 hours ago











          • @J.ChrisCompton No, it cannot be fixed this way. It can be fixed by not inviting more than half of your work group, but it cannot be fixed by making it "all your company, except Chris, and a bunch of other people"

            – Edwin Buck
            5 hours ago













          • I understand what you are saying. The party guests are co-workers who already spend time together as friends outside of work. I don't see a problem with it - whether you invite an eighth friend or not.

            – J. Chris Compton
            5 hours ago











          • @J.ChrisCompton It is easy to say one doesn't have a problem with it, if one is looking from the point of view of an invited person, or a disaffected bystander. However, if one is looking at it from the point of view of the non-invited person, it's obviously going to cause that person pain. Causing unnecessary pain in others is not going to make the host better regarded by her coworkers, even if the coworkers don't like the non-invited person. You might not have a problem with it, but that hints that you don't have a problem hurting this person's feelings. Not nice.

            – Edwin Buck
            5 hours ago






          • 1





            @EdwinBuck Have you considered that inviting this person could also burn bridges? OP said this person has been reported to HR by multiple people, if he knows this, all 7 of his co-workers likely do too. If you invite this person, could you not be seen as condoning their racist/sexually aggressive behavior? Everyone at the party may think less of you for inviting someone to your personal party (if they even show up, knowing that they are disliked), that no one wanted there.

            – GrumpyCrouton
            3 hours ago












          protected by Community 2 hours ago



          Thank you for your interest in this question.
          Because it has attracted low-quality or spam answers that had to be removed, posting an answer now requires 10 reputation on this site (the association bonus does not count).



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          15 Answers
          15






          active

          oldest

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          15 Answers
          15






          active

          oldest

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          active

          oldest

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          active

          oldest

          votes









          85














          If you are all peers, it is simply very, very rude. It sounds like you may not care about that, since the person who you want to exclude deserves to be excluded.



          If you are a manager, then it gets problematic, rather than just rude. According to Alison at AskAManager, you are opening yourself up to legitimate charges of favoritism. If you are in HR, that could also be a problem (Another AskAManager link).



          If you are all peers, and you want to send a message as well as have a good time, then invite all but the one co-worker.






          share|improve this answer



















          • 100





            The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.

            – dbeer
            23 hours ago






          • 42





            It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.

            – Echox
            23 hours ago






          • 5





            @Echox very much yes.

            – thursdaysgeek
            23 hours ago






          • 30





            @Echox I disagree. It would be rude to draw attention to it (announcing something like everyone who isn’t a bigoted, sexually harassing asshole is invited to my house warming party), but simply excluding an unpleasant coworker from your social activities isn’t rude... it’s normal. In adult life, outside of an elementary school classroom, there’s just no obligation to include everyone or no one in a social activity - invite the people you want to invite, and any “socially well adjusted” adult is going to get that and not have a problem with it.

            – HopelessN00b
            16 hours ago






          • 21





            @Battle The legitimate charges of favouritism bit only applies if the OP is a manager. But if the OP is a manager, has been sexually harassed by one of his coworkers, and hasn't done anything about it at work, then we have an entirely different question on our hands.

            – bornfromanegg
            13 hours ago
















          85














          If you are all peers, it is simply very, very rude. It sounds like you may not care about that, since the person who you want to exclude deserves to be excluded.



          If you are a manager, then it gets problematic, rather than just rude. According to Alison at AskAManager, you are opening yourself up to legitimate charges of favoritism. If you are in HR, that could also be a problem (Another AskAManager link).



          If you are all peers, and you want to send a message as well as have a good time, then invite all but the one co-worker.






          share|improve this answer



















          • 100





            The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.

            – dbeer
            23 hours ago






          • 42





            It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.

            – Echox
            23 hours ago






          • 5





            @Echox very much yes.

            – thursdaysgeek
            23 hours ago






          • 30





            @Echox I disagree. It would be rude to draw attention to it (announcing something like everyone who isn’t a bigoted, sexually harassing asshole is invited to my house warming party), but simply excluding an unpleasant coworker from your social activities isn’t rude... it’s normal. In adult life, outside of an elementary school classroom, there’s just no obligation to include everyone or no one in a social activity - invite the people you want to invite, and any “socially well adjusted” adult is going to get that and not have a problem with it.

            – HopelessN00b
            16 hours ago






          • 21





            @Battle The legitimate charges of favouritism bit only applies if the OP is a manager. But if the OP is a manager, has been sexually harassed by one of his coworkers, and hasn't done anything about it at work, then we have an entirely different question on our hands.

            – bornfromanegg
            13 hours ago














          85












          85








          85







          If you are all peers, it is simply very, very rude. It sounds like you may not care about that, since the person who you want to exclude deserves to be excluded.



          If you are a manager, then it gets problematic, rather than just rude. According to Alison at AskAManager, you are opening yourself up to legitimate charges of favoritism. If you are in HR, that could also be a problem (Another AskAManager link).



          If you are all peers, and you want to send a message as well as have a good time, then invite all but the one co-worker.






          share|improve this answer













          If you are all peers, it is simply very, very rude. It sounds like you may not care about that, since the person who you want to exclude deserves to be excluded.



          If you are a manager, then it gets problematic, rather than just rude. According to Alison at AskAManager, you are opening yourself up to legitimate charges of favoritism. If you are in HR, that could also be a problem (Another AskAManager link).



          If you are all peers, and you want to send a message as well as have a good time, then invite all but the one co-worker.







          share|improve this answer












          share|improve this answer



          share|improve this answer










          answered yesterday









          thursdaysgeekthursdaysgeek

          28.5k1351109




          28.5k1351109








          • 100





            The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.

            – dbeer
            23 hours ago






          • 42





            It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.

            – Echox
            23 hours ago






          • 5





            @Echox very much yes.

            – thursdaysgeek
            23 hours ago






          • 30





            @Echox I disagree. It would be rude to draw attention to it (announcing something like everyone who isn’t a bigoted, sexually harassing asshole is invited to my house warming party), but simply excluding an unpleasant coworker from your social activities isn’t rude... it’s normal. In adult life, outside of an elementary school classroom, there’s just no obligation to include everyone or no one in a social activity - invite the people you want to invite, and any “socially well adjusted” adult is going to get that and not have a problem with it.

            – HopelessN00b
            16 hours ago






          • 21





            @Battle The legitimate charges of favouritism bit only applies if the OP is a manager. But if the OP is a manager, has been sexually harassed by one of his coworkers, and hasn't done anything about it at work, then we have an entirely different question on our hands.

            – bornfromanegg
            13 hours ago














          • 100





            The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.

            – dbeer
            23 hours ago






          • 42





            It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.

            – Echox
            23 hours ago






          • 5





            @Echox very much yes.

            – thursdaysgeek
            23 hours ago






          • 30





            @Echox I disagree. It would be rude to draw attention to it (announcing something like everyone who isn’t a bigoted, sexually harassing asshole is invited to my house warming party), but simply excluding an unpleasant coworker from your social activities isn’t rude... it’s normal. In adult life, outside of an elementary school classroom, there’s just no obligation to include everyone or no one in a social activity - invite the people you want to invite, and any “socially well adjusted” adult is going to get that and not have a problem with it.

            – HopelessN00b
            16 hours ago






          • 21





            @Battle The legitimate charges of favouritism bit only applies if the OP is a manager. But if the OP is a manager, has been sexually harassed by one of his coworkers, and hasn't done anything about it at work, then we have an entirely different question on our hands.

            – bornfromanegg
            13 hours ago








          100




          100





          The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.

          – dbeer
          23 hours ago





          The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.

          – dbeer
          23 hours ago




          42




          42





          It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.

          – Echox
          23 hours ago





          It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.

          – Echox
          23 hours ago




          5




          5





          @Echox very much yes.

          – thursdaysgeek
          23 hours ago





          @Echox very much yes.

          – thursdaysgeek
          23 hours ago




          30




          30





          @Echox I disagree. It would be rude to draw attention to it (announcing something like everyone who isn’t a bigoted, sexually harassing asshole is invited to my house warming party), but simply excluding an unpleasant coworker from your social activities isn’t rude... it’s normal. In adult life, outside of an elementary school classroom, there’s just no obligation to include everyone or no one in a social activity - invite the people you want to invite, and any “socially well adjusted” adult is going to get that and not have a problem with it.

          – HopelessN00b
          16 hours ago





          @Echox I disagree. It would be rude to draw attention to it (announcing something like everyone who isn’t a bigoted, sexually harassing asshole is invited to my house warming party), but simply excluding an unpleasant coworker from your social activities isn’t rude... it’s normal. In adult life, outside of an elementary school classroom, there’s just no obligation to include everyone or no one in a social activity - invite the people you want to invite, and any “socially well adjusted” adult is going to get that and not have a problem with it.

          – HopelessN00b
          16 hours ago




          21




          21





          @Battle The legitimate charges of favouritism bit only applies if the OP is a manager. But if the OP is a manager, has been sexually harassed by one of his coworkers, and hasn't done anything about it at work, then we have an entirely different question on our hands.

          – bornfromanegg
          13 hours ago





          @Battle The legitimate charges of favouritism bit only applies if the OP is a manager. But if the OP is a manager, has been sexually harassed by one of his coworkers, and hasn't done anything about it at work, then we have an entirely different question on our hands.

          – bornfromanegg
          13 hours ago













          85















          Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?




          It's your party.



          That means you get to invite whoever you like and exclude whoever you choose.






          share|improve this answer



















          • 24





            And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)

            – Peter M
            22 hours ago








          • 2





            It's not because you get to decide who you invite to your party that it's appropriate to invite everyone but one person. These are two totally unrelated propositions.

            – BriseFlots
            15 hours ago






          • 3





            Wow, cool. 'Cos I was hoping to invite my mistress to the party my wife has organised for me. Glad to hear that's not inappropriate. I mean, it's my party, right?

            – bornfromanegg
            13 hours ago








          • 4





            @PeterM - ...you would cry too if it happened to you. LOL! Now I can't get that song out of my head.

            – Joe Strazzere
            10 hours ago






          • 4





            @BriseFlots That's exactly why it's appropriate. It's a personal party, not a work event. You can choose to invite whoever you want to your personal party, same as every personal party; and there's no real reason choosing some coworkers for a party in your personal time is a workplace issue. There could be social implications, just like every interaction with people, but from a workplace perspective, the party invitations alone are perfectly acceptable.

            – JMac
            10 hours ago
















          85















          Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?




          It's your party.



          That means you get to invite whoever you like and exclude whoever you choose.






          share|improve this answer



















          • 24





            And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)

            – Peter M
            22 hours ago








          • 2





            It's not because you get to decide who you invite to your party that it's appropriate to invite everyone but one person. These are two totally unrelated propositions.

            – BriseFlots
            15 hours ago






          • 3





            Wow, cool. 'Cos I was hoping to invite my mistress to the party my wife has organised for me. Glad to hear that's not inappropriate. I mean, it's my party, right?

            – bornfromanegg
            13 hours ago








          • 4





            @PeterM - ...you would cry too if it happened to you. LOL! Now I can't get that song out of my head.

            – Joe Strazzere
            10 hours ago






          • 4





            @BriseFlots That's exactly why it's appropriate. It's a personal party, not a work event. You can choose to invite whoever you want to your personal party, same as every personal party; and there's no real reason choosing some coworkers for a party in your personal time is a workplace issue. There could be social implications, just like every interaction with people, but from a workplace perspective, the party invitations alone are perfectly acceptable.

            – JMac
            10 hours ago














          85












          85








          85








          Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?




          It's your party.



          That means you get to invite whoever you like and exclude whoever you choose.






          share|improve this answer














          Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?




          It's your party.



          That means you get to invite whoever you like and exclude whoever you choose.







          share|improve this answer












          share|improve this answer



          share|improve this answer










          answered 23 hours ago









          Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere

          244k1197131013




          244k1197131013








          • 24





            And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)

            – Peter M
            22 hours ago








          • 2





            It's not because you get to decide who you invite to your party that it's appropriate to invite everyone but one person. These are two totally unrelated propositions.

            – BriseFlots
            15 hours ago






          • 3





            Wow, cool. 'Cos I was hoping to invite my mistress to the party my wife has organised for me. Glad to hear that's not inappropriate. I mean, it's my party, right?

            – bornfromanegg
            13 hours ago








          • 4





            @PeterM - ...you would cry too if it happened to you. LOL! Now I can't get that song out of my head.

            – Joe Strazzere
            10 hours ago






          • 4





            @BriseFlots That's exactly why it's appropriate. It's a personal party, not a work event. You can choose to invite whoever you want to your personal party, same as every personal party; and there's no real reason choosing some coworkers for a party in your personal time is a workplace issue. There could be social implications, just like every interaction with people, but from a workplace perspective, the party invitations alone are perfectly acceptable.

            – JMac
            10 hours ago














          • 24





            And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)

            – Peter M
            22 hours ago








          • 2





            It's not because you get to decide who you invite to your party that it's appropriate to invite everyone but one person. These are two totally unrelated propositions.

            – BriseFlots
            15 hours ago






          • 3





            Wow, cool. 'Cos I was hoping to invite my mistress to the party my wife has organised for me. Glad to hear that's not inappropriate. I mean, it's my party, right?

            – bornfromanegg
            13 hours ago








          • 4





            @PeterM - ...you would cry too if it happened to you. LOL! Now I can't get that song out of my head.

            – Joe Strazzere
            10 hours ago






          • 4





            @BriseFlots That's exactly why it's appropriate. It's a personal party, not a work event. You can choose to invite whoever you want to your personal party, same as every personal party; and there's no real reason choosing some coworkers for a party in your personal time is a workplace issue. There could be social implications, just like every interaction with people, but from a workplace perspective, the party invitations alone are perfectly acceptable.

            – JMac
            10 hours ago








          24




          24





          And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)

          – Peter M
          22 hours ago







          And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)

          – Peter M
          22 hours ago






          2




          2





          It's not because you get to decide who you invite to your party that it's appropriate to invite everyone but one person. These are two totally unrelated propositions.

          – BriseFlots
          15 hours ago





          It's not because you get to decide who you invite to your party that it's appropriate to invite everyone but one person. These are two totally unrelated propositions.

          – BriseFlots
          15 hours ago




          3




          3





          Wow, cool. 'Cos I was hoping to invite my mistress to the party my wife has organised for me. Glad to hear that's not inappropriate. I mean, it's my party, right?

          – bornfromanegg
          13 hours ago







          Wow, cool. 'Cos I was hoping to invite my mistress to the party my wife has organised for me. Glad to hear that's not inappropriate. I mean, it's my party, right?

          – bornfromanegg
          13 hours ago






          4




          4





          @PeterM - ...you would cry too if it happened to you. LOL! Now I can't get that song out of my head.

          – Joe Strazzere
          10 hours ago





          @PeterM - ...you would cry too if it happened to you. LOL! Now I can't get that song out of my head.

          – Joe Strazzere
          10 hours ago




          4




          4





          @BriseFlots That's exactly why it's appropriate. It's a personal party, not a work event. You can choose to invite whoever you want to your personal party, same as every personal party; and there's no real reason choosing some coworkers for a party in your personal time is a workplace issue. There could be social implications, just like every interaction with people, but from a workplace perspective, the party invitations alone are perfectly acceptable.

          – JMac
          10 hours ago





          @BriseFlots That's exactly why it's appropriate. It's a personal party, not a work event. You can choose to invite whoever you want to your personal party, same as every personal party; and there's no real reason choosing some coworkers for a party in your personal time is a workplace issue. There could be social implications, just like every interaction with people, but from a workplace perspective, the party invitations alone are perfectly acceptable.

          – JMac
          10 hours ago











          40














          You're not inviting your co-workers, you're inviting your friends you happen to work with. That co-worker is not your friend, so you do not invite him.



          You may want to inform the invitees that he has not been invited. By your description, they'll probably be relieved, but at the very least they'll know to keep quiet about the invitation if necessary.






          share|improve this answer



















          • 1





            +1 This! Work and private life should be separated - because of such things it is never a good idea to blur the edges.

            – rexkogitans
            10 hours ago






          • 4





            Best answer IMO. The answers which suggest it is rude don't seem to be factoring in that we're talking about a party taking place at the OP's house

            – Jon Bentley
            8 hours ago











          • That's because for some reason the title says event. If there was an "event" at my house I'd have to call the cops or the FD.

            – Mazura
            3 hours ago











          • While I do agree, I feel inviting 3 of 10 or 100 employees is definitely not rude yet inviting all but one (2 out of 3, 9 out of 10 etc) would still be considered rude. I think OP has good reason regardless, and shouldn't worry about it

            – Tas
            1 hour ago
















          40














          You're not inviting your co-workers, you're inviting your friends you happen to work with. That co-worker is not your friend, so you do not invite him.



          You may want to inform the invitees that he has not been invited. By your description, they'll probably be relieved, but at the very least they'll know to keep quiet about the invitation if necessary.






          share|improve this answer



















          • 1





            +1 This! Work and private life should be separated - because of such things it is never a good idea to blur the edges.

            – rexkogitans
            10 hours ago






          • 4





            Best answer IMO. The answers which suggest it is rude don't seem to be factoring in that we're talking about a party taking place at the OP's house

            – Jon Bentley
            8 hours ago











          • That's because for some reason the title says event. If there was an "event" at my house I'd have to call the cops or the FD.

            – Mazura
            3 hours ago











          • While I do agree, I feel inviting 3 of 10 or 100 employees is definitely not rude yet inviting all but one (2 out of 3, 9 out of 10 etc) would still be considered rude. I think OP has good reason regardless, and shouldn't worry about it

            – Tas
            1 hour ago














          40












          40








          40







          You're not inviting your co-workers, you're inviting your friends you happen to work with. That co-worker is not your friend, so you do not invite him.



          You may want to inform the invitees that he has not been invited. By your description, they'll probably be relieved, but at the very least they'll know to keep quiet about the invitation if necessary.






          share|improve this answer













          You're not inviting your co-workers, you're inviting your friends you happen to work with. That co-worker is not your friend, so you do not invite him.



          You may want to inform the invitees that he has not been invited. By your description, they'll probably be relieved, but at the very least they'll know to keep quiet about the invitation if necessary.







          share|improve this answer












          share|improve this answer



          share|improve this answer










          answered 13 hours ago









          SQBSQB

          1,031715




          1,031715








          • 1





            +1 This! Work and private life should be separated - because of such things it is never a good idea to blur the edges.

            – rexkogitans
            10 hours ago






          • 4





            Best answer IMO. The answers which suggest it is rude don't seem to be factoring in that we're talking about a party taking place at the OP's house

            – Jon Bentley
            8 hours ago











          • That's because for some reason the title says event. If there was an "event" at my house I'd have to call the cops or the FD.

            – Mazura
            3 hours ago











          • While I do agree, I feel inviting 3 of 10 or 100 employees is definitely not rude yet inviting all but one (2 out of 3, 9 out of 10 etc) would still be considered rude. I think OP has good reason regardless, and shouldn't worry about it

            – Tas
            1 hour ago














          • 1





            +1 This! Work and private life should be separated - because of such things it is never a good idea to blur the edges.

            – rexkogitans
            10 hours ago






          • 4





            Best answer IMO. The answers which suggest it is rude don't seem to be factoring in that we're talking about a party taking place at the OP's house

            – Jon Bentley
            8 hours ago











          • That's because for some reason the title says event. If there was an "event" at my house I'd have to call the cops or the FD.

            – Mazura
            3 hours ago











          • While I do agree, I feel inviting 3 of 10 or 100 employees is definitely not rude yet inviting all but one (2 out of 3, 9 out of 10 etc) would still be considered rude. I think OP has good reason regardless, and shouldn't worry about it

            – Tas
            1 hour ago








          1




          1





          +1 This! Work and private life should be separated - because of such things it is never a good idea to blur the edges.

          – rexkogitans
          10 hours ago





          +1 This! Work and private life should be separated - because of such things it is never a good idea to blur the edges.

          – rexkogitans
          10 hours ago




          4




          4





          Best answer IMO. The answers which suggest it is rude don't seem to be factoring in that we're talking about a party taking place at the OP's house

          – Jon Bentley
          8 hours ago





          Best answer IMO. The answers which suggest it is rude don't seem to be factoring in that we're talking about a party taking place at the OP's house

          – Jon Bentley
          8 hours ago













          That's because for some reason the title says event. If there was an "event" at my house I'd have to call the cops or the FD.

          – Mazura
          3 hours ago





          That's because for some reason the title says event. If there was an "event" at my house I'd have to call the cops or the FD.

          – Mazura
          3 hours ago













          While I do agree, I feel inviting 3 of 10 or 100 employees is definitely not rude yet inviting all but one (2 out of 3, 9 out of 10 etc) would still be considered rude. I think OP has good reason regardless, and shouldn't worry about it

          – Tas
          1 hour ago





          While I do agree, I feel inviting 3 of 10 or 100 employees is definitely not rude yet inviting all but one (2 out of 3, 9 out of 10 etc) would still be considered rude. I think OP has good reason regardless, and shouldn't worry about it

          – Tas
          1 hour ago











          20














          Yes it would be rude, and the possible awkwardness is a risk that you would have to be willing to deal with.



          But of course, not inviting him is the right move to make. Him spoiling your party sounds like a far worse outcome.



          You just need to prepared for some perhaps passive-aggressive dynamics in the workplace - but I imagine this guy knows why he is being excluded.



          The other awkward scenario is that he directly confronts you why he wasn't invited, in which case you can give him an honest and direct answer.






          share|improve this answer
























          • From reading other comments, there seems to be a significant % of people who find nothing rude about choosing who to invite or not invite to your own house (myself included). It may be useful therefore to expand a little on why you believe it would be rude.

            – Jon Bentley
            8 hours ago













          • @JonBentley: Imagine you're chatting in a group of eight friends, and a ninth friend comes up and gives a separate, personal "Hi, <name>!" to each individual person in your group . . . except you. Would you not feel snubbed? If they'd only given personal hellos to one or two people, it would feel positive with respect to those people; but by giving them to all but one person, it instead feels negative about that person -- you. If you cared about that friendship, you might even talk to them later to make sure you hadn't offended them in some way.

            – ruakh
            9 mins ago


















          20














          Yes it would be rude, and the possible awkwardness is a risk that you would have to be willing to deal with.



          But of course, not inviting him is the right move to make. Him spoiling your party sounds like a far worse outcome.



          You just need to prepared for some perhaps passive-aggressive dynamics in the workplace - but I imagine this guy knows why he is being excluded.



          The other awkward scenario is that he directly confronts you why he wasn't invited, in which case you can give him an honest and direct answer.






          share|improve this answer
























          • From reading other comments, there seems to be a significant % of people who find nothing rude about choosing who to invite or not invite to your own house (myself included). It may be useful therefore to expand a little on why you believe it would be rude.

            – Jon Bentley
            8 hours ago













          • @JonBentley: Imagine you're chatting in a group of eight friends, and a ninth friend comes up and gives a separate, personal "Hi, <name>!" to each individual person in your group . . . except you. Would you not feel snubbed? If they'd only given personal hellos to one or two people, it would feel positive with respect to those people; but by giving them to all but one person, it instead feels negative about that person -- you. If you cared about that friendship, you might even talk to them later to make sure you hadn't offended them in some way.

            – ruakh
            9 mins ago
















          20












          20








          20







          Yes it would be rude, and the possible awkwardness is a risk that you would have to be willing to deal with.



          But of course, not inviting him is the right move to make. Him spoiling your party sounds like a far worse outcome.



          You just need to prepared for some perhaps passive-aggressive dynamics in the workplace - but I imagine this guy knows why he is being excluded.



          The other awkward scenario is that he directly confronts you why he wasn't invited, in which case you can give him an honest and direct answer.






          share|improve this answer













          Yes it would be rude, and the possible awkwardness is a risk that you would have to be willing to deal with.



          But of course, not inviting him is the right move to make. Him spoiling your party sounds like a far worse outcome.



          You just need to prepared for some perhaps passive-aggressive dynamics in the workplace - but I imagine this guy knows why he is being excluded.



          The other awkward scenario is that he directly confronts you why he wasn't invited, in which case you can give him an honest and direct answer.







          share|improve this answer












          share|improve this answer



          share|improve this answer










          answered 22 hours ago









          dwjohnstondwjohnston

          1,178517




          1,178517













          • From reading other comments, there seems to be a significant % of people who find nothing rude about choosing who to invite or not invite to your own house (myself included). It may be useful therefore to expand a little on why you believe it would be rude.

            – Jon Bentley
            8 hours ago













          • @JonBentley: Imagine you're chatting in a group of eight friends, and a ninth friend comes up and gives a separate, personal "Hi, <name>!" to each individual person in your group . . . except you. Would you not feel snubbed? If they'd only given personal hellos to one or two people, it would feel positive with respect to those people; but by giving them to all but one person, it instead feels negative about that person -- you. If you cared about that friendship, you might even talk to them later to make sure you hadn't offended them in some way.

            – ruakh
            9 mins ago





















          • From reading other comments, there seems to be a significant % of people who find nothing rude about choosing who to invite or not invite to your own house (myself included). It may be useful therefore to expand a little on why you believe it would be rude.

            – Jon Bentley
            8 hours ago













          • @JonBentley: Imagine you're chatting in a group of eight friends, and a ninth friend comes up and gives a separate, personal "Hi, <name>!" to each individual person in your group . . . except you. Would you not feel snubbed? If they'd only given personal hellos to one or two people, it would feel positive with respect to those people; but by giving them to all but one person, it instead feels negative about that person -- you. If you cared about that friendship, you might even talk to them later to make sure you hadn't offended them in some way.

            – ruakh
            9 mins ago



















          From reading other comments, there seems to be a significant % of people who find nothing rude about choosing who to invite or not invite to your own house (myself included). It may be useful therefore to expand a little on why you believe it would be rude.

          – Jon Bentley
          8 hours ago







          From reading other comments, there seems to be a significant % of people who find nothing rude about choosing who to invite or not invite to your own house (myself included). It may be useful therefore to expand a little on why you believe it would be rude.

          – Jon Bentley
          8 hours ago















          @JonBentley: Imagine you're chatting in a group of eight friends, and a ninth friend comes up and gives a separate, personal "Hi, <name>!" to each individual person in your group . . . except you. Would you not feel snubbed? If they'd only given personal hellos to one or two people, it would feel positive with respect to those people; but by giving them to all but one person, it instead feels negative about that person -- you. If you cared about that friendship, you might even talk to them later to make sure you hadn't offended them in some way.

          – ruakh
          9 mins ago







          @JonBentley: Imagine you're chatting in a group of eight friends, and a ninth friend comes up and gives a separate, personal "Hi, <name>!" to each individual person in your group . . . except you. Would you not feel snubbed? If they'd only given personal hellos to one or two people, it would feel positive with respect to those people; but by giving them to all but one person, it instead feels negative about that person -- you. If you cared about that friendship, you might even talk to them later to make sure you hadn't offended them in some way.

          – ruakh
          9 mins ago













          9














          YOUR house, YOUR rules.



          You're not forced to invite an unwanted person in your house around your loved ones (probably including children) who has previous records of misbehaving and sexual harrasement in a public place, let alone what he could do in a private and intimate place.



          I can argue that inviting him could pose a security threat also, given that most likely alcohol will be around.






          share|improve this answer










          New contributor




          inaliahgle is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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            9














            YOUR house, YOUR rules.



            You're not forced to invite an unwanted person in your house around your loved ones (probably including children) who has previous records of misbehaving and sexual harrasement in a public place, let alone what he could do in a private and intimate place.



            I can argue that inviting him could pose a security threat also, given that most likely alcohol will be around.






            share|improve this answer










            New contributor




            inaliahgle is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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              9












              9








              9







              YOUR house, YOUR rules.



              You're not forced to invite an unwanted person in your house around your loved ones (probably including children) who has previous records of misbehaving and sexual harrasement in a public place, let alone what he could do in a private and intimate place.



              I can argue that inviting him could pose a security threat also, given that most likely alcohol will be around.






              share|improve this answer










              New contributor




              inaliahgle is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
              Check out our Code of Conduct.










              YOUR house, YOUR rules.



              You're not forced to invite an unwanted person in your house around your loved ones (probably including children) who has previous records of misbehaving and sexual harrasement in a public place, let alone what he could do in a private and intimate place.



              I can argue that inviting him could pose a security threat also, given that most likely alcohol will be around.







              share|improve this answer










              New contributor




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              share|improve this answer



              share|improve this answer








              edited 10 hours ago









              TRiG

              155214




              155214






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              answered 14 hours ago









              inaliahgleinaliahgle

              34429




              34429




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              New contributor





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              inaliahgle is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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                  6














                  You mention this person having harassed you and your wife on separate occasions. You are having a party for your new house (I imagine your wife will be present), you are inviting some people from work you have a good relation with, and you are doubting to invite that one bad person. How will your wife feel about that person being invited, you think, about inviting a harassing person into her own house? How will she react when she finds out you are even considering inviting that person? Why do you even care whether or not this is appropriate?






                  share|improve this answer


























                  • I agree with your first paragraph but I'm not sure what you're trying to imply by the second "I'm sorry, but I have the impression you're not telling the whole story." From what I can tell, the OP is just looking to make sure there's no workplace repurcussions from not inviting this one guy. That would explain why they've asked it here.

                    – Philbo
                    13 hours ago











                  • @Philbo: you're right. I've adapted my answer accordingly.

                    – Dominique
                    13 hours ago






                  • 2





                    I think this answer would be improved by clearly stating your response to OP's question, rather than merely asking rhetorical questions and leaving people to assume your implied conclusion.

                    – V2Blast
                    6 hours ago
















                  6














                  You mention this person having harassed you and your wife on separate occasions. You are having a party for your new house (I imagine your wife will be present), you are inviting some people from work you have a good relation with, and you are doubting to invite that one bad person. How will your wife feel about that person being invited, you think, about inviting a harassing person into her own house? How will she react when she finds out you are even considering inviting that person? Why do you even care whether or not this is appropriate?






                  share|improve this answer


























                  • I agree with your first paragraph but I'm not sure what you're trying to imply by the second "I'm sorry, but I have the impression you're not telling the whole story." From what I can tell, the OP is just looking to make sure there's no workplace repurcussions from not inviting this one guy. That would explain why they've asked it here.

                    – Philbo
                    13 hours ago











                  • @Philbo: you're right. I've adapted my answer accordingly.

                    – Dominique
                    13 hours ago






                  • 2





                    I think this answer would be improved by clearly stating your response to OP's question, rather than merely asking rhetorical questions and leaving people to assume your implied conclusion.

                    – V2Blast
                    6 hours ago














                  6












                  6








                  6







                  You mention this person having harassed you and your wife on separate occasions. You are having a party for your new house (I imagine your wife will be present), you are inviting some people from work you have a good relation with, and you are doubting to invite that one bad person. How will your wife feel about that person being invited, you think, about inviting a harassing person into her own house? How will she react when she finds out you are even considering inviting that person? Why do you even care whether or not this is appropriate?






                  share|improve this answer















                  You mention this person having harassed you and your wife on separate occasions. You are having a party for your new house (I imagine your wife will be present), you are inviting some people from work you have a good relation with, and you are doubting to invite that one bad person. How will your wife feel about that person being invited, you think, about inviting a harassing person into her own house? How will she react when she finds out you are even considering inviting that person? Why do you even care whether or not this is appropriate?







                  share|improve this answer














                  share|improve this answer



                  share|improve this answer








                  edited 13 hours ago

























                  answered 13 hours ago









                  DominiqueDominique

                  1,027311




                  1,027311













                  • I agree with your first paragraph but I'm not sure what you're trying to imply by the second "I'm sorry, but I have the impression you're not telling the whole story." From what I can tell, the OP is just looking to make sure there's no workplace repurcussions from not inviting this one guy. That would explain why they've asked it here.

                    – Philbo
                    13 hours ago











                  • @Philbo: you're right. I've adapted my answer accordingly.

                    – Dominique
                    13 hours ago






                  • 2





                    I think this answer would be improved by clearly stating your response to OP's question, rather than merely asking rhetorical questions and leaving people to assume your implied conclusion.

                    – V2Blast
                    6 hours ago



















                  • I agree with your first paragraph but I'm not sure what you're trying to imply by the second "I'm sorry, but I have the impression you're not telling the whole story." From what I can tell, the OP is just looking to make sure there's no workplace repurcussions from not inviting this one guy. That would explain why they've asked it here.

                    – Philbo
                    13 hours ago











                  • @Philbo: you're right. I've adapted my answer accordingly.

                    – Dominique
                    13 hours ago






                  • 2





                    I think this answer would be improved by clearly stating your response to OP's question, rather than merely asking rhetorical questions and leaving people to assume your implied conclusion.

                    – V2Blast
                    6 hours ago

















                  I agree with your first paragraph but I'm not sure what you're trying to imply by the second "I'm sorry, but I have the impression you're not telling the whole story." From what I can tell, the OP is just looking to make sure there's no workplace repurcussions from not inviting this one guy. That would explain why they've asked it here.

                  – Philbo
                  13 hours ago





                  I agree with your first paragraph but I'm not sure what you're trying to imply by the second "I'm sorry, but I have the impression you're not telling the whole story." From what I can tell, the OP is just looking to make sure there's no workplace repurcussions from not inviting this one guy. That would explain why they've asked it here.

                  – Philbo
                  13 hours ago













                  @Philbo: you're right. I've adapted my answer accordingly.

                  – Dominique
                  13 hours ago





                  @Philbo: you're right. I've adapted my answer accordingly.

                  – Dominique
                  13 hours ago




                  2




                  2





                  I think this answer would be improved by clearly stating your response to OP's question, rather than merely asking rhetorical questions and leaving people to assume your implied conclusion.

                  – V2Blast
                  6 hours ago





                  I think this answer would be improved by clearly stating your response to OP's question, rather than merely asking rhetorical questions and leaving people to assume your implied conclusion.

                  – V2Blast
                  6 hours ago











                  3














                  Just want to contribute my view. For me excluding one of your co-workers for a party is a bit demeaning. But because of the fact that one of your co-workers act rudely, because of the harassment that you are saying, then it is high time for him to be excluded in such occasions especially that you want it to be a pure fun get-together. Then if he confronts you for such action, then just tell him/her of his rudeness and make him/her realize it.






                  share|improve this answer








                  New contributor




                  user98006 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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                  • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                    – V2Blast
                    6 hours ago
















                  3














                  Just want to contribute my view. For me excluding one of your co-workers for a party is a bit demeaning. But because of the fact that one of your co-workers act rudely, because of the harassment that you are saying, then it is high time for him to be excluded in such occasions especially that you want it to be a pure fun get-together. Then if he confronts you for such action, then just tell him/her of his rudeness and make him/her realize it.






                  share|improve this answer








                  New contributor




                  user98006 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                  Check out our Code of Conduct.





















                  • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                    – V2Blast
                    6 hours ago














                  3












                  3








                  3







                  Just want to contribute my view. For me excluding one of your co-workers for a party is a bit demeaning. But because of the fact that one of your co-workers act rudely, because of the harassment that you are saying, then it is high time for him to be excluded in such occasions especially that you want it to be a pure fun get-together. Then if he confronts you for such action, then just tell him/her of his rudeness and make him/her realize it.






                  share|improve this answer








                  New contributor




                  user98006 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                  Check out our Code of Conduct.










                  Just want to contribute my view. For me excluding one of your co-workers for a party is a bit demeaning. But because of the fact that one of your co-workers act rudely, because of the harassment that you are saying, then it is high time for him to be excluded in such occasions especially that you want it to be a pure fun get-together. Then if he confronts you for such action, then just tell him/her of his rudeness and make him/her realize it.







                  share|improve this answer








                  New contributor




                  user98006 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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                  share|improve this answer



                  share|improve this answer






                  New contributor




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                  answered 9 hours ago









                  user98006user98006

                  311




                  311




                  New contributor




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                  New contributor





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                  • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                    – V2Blast
                    6 hours ago



















                  • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                    – V2Blast
                    6 hours ago

















                  Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                  – V2Blast
                  6 hours ago





                  Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                  – V2Blast
                  6 hours ago











                  3














                  If I found out I was the only one not being asked to a party, I would definitely be upset (you may not care, but do we want to make it worse?).



                  But when you mentioned that you get together in groups of 3-4, an idea came to my mind - Plan TWO parties. Invite 3 or 4 of your coworker friends to the first party, and then invite the remaining friends to the second party. You are still excluding the one coworker, but since you aren't inviting everyone to each party it would be less obvious, and more like the get-togethers that are already happening.






                  share|improve this answer








                  New contributor




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                  • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                    – V2Blast
                    6 hours ago











                  • I don't see how this helps. Both parties are the same, OP is invited to neither, and everyone would be able to easily figure out that the two parties they were invited to in the same place at the same time are in fact the same party. I don't see the benefit of this compared to just inviting individuals to your party as you normally would. Not being a part of two groups could still make the coworker upset, possibly more so if they figure out it was the same party. Inviting individuals who you get along well with seems like it would be the same; but without having to act like 2 parties.

                    – JMac
                    3 hours ago











                  • @JMac: Where did you get "in the same place at the same time" from? This answer is literally suggesting having two separate dinner parties, presumably on different days or different weeks. It doesn't have to be the set-up for a sitcom. ;-)

                    – ruakh
                    6 mins ago
















                  3














                  If I found out I was the only one not being asked to a party, I would definitely be upset (you may not care, but do we want to make it worse?).



                  But when you mentioned that you get together in groups of 3-4, an idea came to my mind - Plan TWO parties. Invite 3 or 4 of your coworker friends to the first party, and then invite the remaining friends to the second party. You are still excluding the one coworker, but since you aren't inviting everyone to each party it would be less obvious, and more like the get-togethers that are already happening.






                  share|improve this answer








                  New contributor




                  Eugene Styer is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                  Check out our Code of Conduct.





















                  • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                    – V2Blast
                    6 hours ago











                  • I don't see how this helps. Both parties are the same, OP is invited to neither, and everyone would be able to easily figure out that the two parties they were invited to in the same place at the same time are in fact the same party. I don't see the benefit of this compared to just inviting individuals to your party as you normally would. Not being a part of two groups could still make the coworker upset, possibly more so if they figure out it was the same party. Inviting individuals who you get along well with seems like it would be the same; but without having to act like 2 parties.

                    – JMac
                    3 hours ago











                  • @JMac: Where did you get "in the same place at the same time" from? This answer is literally suggesting having two separate dinner parties, presumably on different days or different weeks. It doesn't have to be the set-up for a sitcom. ;-)

                    – ruakh
                    6 mins ago














                  3












                  3








                  3







                  If I found out I was the only one not being asked to a party, I would definitely be upset (you may not care, but do we want to make it worse?).



                  But when you mentioned that you get together in groups of 3-4, an idea came to my mind - Plan TWO parties. Invite 3 or 4 of your coworker friends to the first party, and then invite the remaining friends to the second party. You are still excluding the one coworker, but since you aren't inviting everyone to each party it would be less obvious, and more like the get-togethers that are already happening.






                  share|improve this answer








                  New contributor




                  Eugene Styer is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                  Check out our Code of Conduct.










                  If I found out I was the only one not being asked to a party, I would definitely be upset (you may not care, but do we want to make it worse?).



                  But when you mentioned that you get together in groups of 3-4, an idea came to my mind - Plan TWO parties. Invite 3 or 4 of your coworker friends to the first party, and then invite the remaining friends to the second party. You are still excluding the one coworker, but since you aren't inviting everyone to each party it would be less obvious, and more like the get-togethers that are already happening.







                  share|improve this answer








                  New contributor




                  Eugene Styer is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                  Check out our Code of Conduct.









                  share|improve this answer



                  share|improve this answer






                  New contributor




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                  Check out our Code of Conduct.









                  answered 7 hours ago









                  Eugene StyerEugene Styer

                  1312




                  1312




                  New contributor




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                  New contributor





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                  • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                    – V2Blast
                    6 hours ago











                  • I don't see how this helps. Both parties are the same, OP is invited to neither, and everyone would be able to easily figure out that the two parties they were invited to in the same place at the same time are in fact the same party. I don't see the benefit of this compared to just inviting individuals to your party as you normally would. Not being a part of two groups could still make the coworker upset, possibly more so if they figure out it was the same party. Inviting individuals who you get along well with seems like it would be the same; but without having to act like 2 parties.

                    – JMac
                    3 hours ago











                  • @JMac: Where did you get "in the same place at the same time" from? This answer is literally suggesting having two separate dinner parties, presumably on different days or different weeks. It doesn't have to be the set-up for a sitcom. ;-)

                    – ruakh
                    6 mins ago



















                  • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                    – V2Blast
                    6 hours ago











                  • I don't see how this helps. Both parties are the same, OP is invited to neither, and everyone would be able to easily figure out that the two parties they were invited to in the same place at the same time are in fact the same party. I don't see the benefit of this compared to just inviting individuals to your party as you normally would. Not being a part of two groups could still make the coworker upset, possibly more so if they figure out it was the same party. Inviting individuals who you get along well with seems like it would be the same; but without having to act like 2 parties.

                    – JMac
                    3 hours ago











                  • @JMac: Where did you get "in the same place at the same time" from? This answer is literally suggesting having two separate dinner parties, presumably on different days or different weeks. It doesn't have to be the set-up for a sitcom. ;-)

                    – ruakh
                    6 mins ago

















                  Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                  – V2Blast
                  6 hours ago





                  Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                  – V2Blast
                  6 hours ago













                  I don't see how this helps. Both parties are the same, OP is invited to neither, and everyone would be able to easily figure out that the two parties they were invited to in the same place at the same time are in fact the same party. I don't see the benefit of this compared to just inviting individuals to your party as you normally would. Not being a part of two groups could still make the coworker upset, possibly more so if they figure out it was the same party. Inviting individuals who you get along well with seems like it would be the same; but without having to act like 2 parties.

                  – JMac
                  3 hours ago





                  I don't see how this helps. Both parties are the same, OP is invited to neither, and everyone would be able to easily figure out that the two parties they were invited to in the same place at the same time are in fact the same party. I don't see the benefit of this compared to just inviting individuals to your party as you normally would. Not being a part of two groups could still make the coworker upset, possibly more so if they figure out it was the same party. Inviting individuals who you get along well with seems like it would be the same; but without having to act like 2 parties.

                  – JMac
                  3 hours ago













                  @JMac: Where did you get "in the same place at the same time" from? This answer is literally suggesting having two separate dinner parties, presumably on different days or different weeks. It doesn't have to be the set-up for a sitcom. ;-)

                  – ruakh
                  6 mins ago





                  @JMac: Where did you get "in the same place at the same time" from? This answer is literally suggesting having two separate dinner parties, presumably on different days or different weeks. It doesn't have to be the set-up for a sitcom. ;-)

                  – ruakh
                  6 mins ago











                  1














                  If it is not workplace related then you can invite whoever you want.



                  But if it can somehow be seen as workplace related then this would constitute bullying by exclusion.






                  share|improve this answer



















                  • 4





                    I think you could bolster this answer with some examples of unacceptable exclusions. Perhaps exclusion from a company sports team, or department milestone celebration dinner, that sort of thing might count as improper.

                    – Booga Roo
                    18 hours ago






                  • 3





                    @BoogaRoo the example used in training videos here is when you come into the office and you say hi to everyone but deliberately ignore one person, if it is repeated or obvious then it is bullying.

                    – solarflare
                    18 hours ago






                  • 1





                    In training examples, bullying is normally in a work-related context, such as not inviting a team member to a working lunch or excluding them from a planning meeting that everyone else attends. It is not about what happens in a personal context, such as inviting work-mates into your home for a house-warming.

                    – Peter
                    12 hours ago











                  • @Peter I could see a grey area being when you invite everyone during work hours. The obvious solution would be to call/text/talk to them outside of work to invite them, therefore removing the possibility of making your coworker feel excluded from something work related and therefore "bullied".

                    – JMac
                    3 hours ago











                  • @Peter thats why I said "workplace related". If it is a personal activity then no one can dispute it. However for an external meeting to become a "workplace related activity" all it would take is people to start discussing work, then it becomes a work related meeting. OP is on thin ice with this one, the safest thing to do is invite everyone and be civil. (IMHO)

                    – solarflare
                    1 hour ago
















                  1














                  If it is not workplace related then you can invite whoever you want.



                  But if it can somehow be seen as workplace related then this would constitute bullying by exclusion.






                  share|improve this answer



















                  • 4





                    I think you could bolster this answer with some examples of unacceptable exclusions. Perhaps exclusion from a company sports team, or department milestone celebration dinner, that sort of thing might count as improper.

                    – Booga Roo
                    18 hours ago






                  • 3





                    @BoogaRoo the example used in training videos here is when you come into the office and you say hi to everyone but deliberately ignore one person, if it is repeated or obvious then it is bullying.

                    – solarflare
                    18 hours ago






                  • 1





                    In training examples, bullying is normally in a work-related context, such as not inviting a team member to a working lunch or excluding them from a planning meeting that everyone else attends. It is not about what happens in a personal context, such as inviting work-mates into your home for a house-warming.

                    – Peter
                    12 hours ago











                  • @Peter I could see a grey area being when you invite everyone during work hours. The obvious solution would be to call/text/talk to them outside of work to invite them, therefore removing the possibility of making your coworker feel excluded from something work related and therefore "bullied".

                    – JMac
                    3 hours ago











                  • @Peter thats why I said "workplace related". If it is a personal activity then no one can dispute it. However for an external meeting to become a "workplace related activity" all it would take is people to start discussing work, then it becomes a work related meeting. OP is on thin ice with this one, the safest thing to do is invite everyone and be civil. (IMHO)

                    – solarflare
                    1 hour ago














                  1












                  1








                  1







                  If it is not workplace related then you can invite whoever you want.



                  But if it can somehow be seen as workplace related then this would constitute bullying by exclusion.






                  share|improve this answer













                  If it is not workplace related then you can invite whoever you want.



                  But if it can somehow be seen as workplace related then this would constitute bullying by exclusion.







                  share|improve this answer












                  share|improve this answer



                  share|improve this answer










                  answered yesterday









                  solarflaresolarflare

                  6,04521333




                  6,04521333








                  • 4





                    I think you could bolster this answer with some examples of unacceptable exclusions. Perhaps exclusion from a company sports team, or department milestone celebration dinner, that sort of thing might count as improper.

                    – Booga Roo
                    18 hours ago






                  • 3





                    @BoogaRoo the example used in training videos here is when you come into the office and you say hi to everyone but deliberately ignore one person, if it is repeated or obvious then it is bullying.

                    – solarflare
                    18 hours ago






                  • 1





                    In training examples, bullying is normally in a work-related context, such as not inviting a team member to a working lunch or excluding them from a planning meeting that everyone else attends. It is not about what happens in a personal context, such as inviting work-mates into your home for a house-warming.

                    – Peter
                    12 hours ago











                  • @Peter I could see a grey area being when you invite everyone during work hours. The obvious solution would be to call/text/talk to them outside of work to invite them, therefore removing the possibility of making your coworker feel excluded from something work related and therefore "bullied".

                    – JMac
                    3 hours ago











                  • @Peter thats why I said "workplace related". If it is a personal activity then no one can dispute it. However for an external meeting to become a "workplace related activity" all it would take is people to start discussing work, then it becomes a work related meeting. OP is on thin ice with this one, the safest thing to do is invite everyone and be civil. (IMHO)

                    – solarflare
                    1 hour ago














                  • 4





                    I think you could bolster this answer with some examples of unacceptable exclusions. Perhaps exclusion from a company sports team, or department milestone celebration dinner, that sort of thing might count as improper.

                    – Booga Roo
                    18 hours ago






                  • 3





                    @BoogaRoo the example used in training videos here is when you come into the office and you say hi to everyone but deliberately ignore one person, if it is repeated or obvious then it is bullying.

                    – solarflare
                    18 hours ago






                  • 1





                    In training examples, bullying is normally in a work-related context, such as not inviting a team member to a working lunch or excluding them from a planning meeting that everyone else attends. It is not about what happens in a personal context, such as inviting work-mates into your home for a house-warming.

                    – Peter
                    12 hours ago











                  • @Peter I could see a grey area being when you invite everyone during work hours. The obvious solution would be to call/text/talk to them outside of work to invite them, therefore removing the possibility of making your coworker feel excluded from something work related and therefore "bullied".

                    – JMac
                    3 hours ago











                  • @Peter thats why I said "workplace related". If it is a personal activity then no one can dispute it. However for an external meeting to become a "workplace related activity" all it would take is people to start discussing work, then it becomes a work related meeting. OP is on thin ice with this one, the safest thing to do is invite everyone and be civil. (IMHO)

                    – solarflare
                    1 hour ago








                  4




                  4





                  I think you could bolster this answer with some examples of unacceptable exclusions. Perhaps exclusion from a company sports team, or department milestone celebration dinner, that sort of thing might count as improper.

                  – Booga Roo
                  18 hours ago





                  I think you could bolster this answer with some examples of unacceptable exclusions. Perhaps exclusion from a company sports team, or department milestone celebration dinner, that sort of thing might count as improper.

                  – Booga Roo
                  18 hours ago




                  3




                  3





                  @BoogaRoo the example used in training videos here is when you come into the office and you say hi to everyone but deliberately ignore one person, if it is repeated or obvious then it is bullying.

                  – solarflare
                  18 hours ago





                  @BoogaRoo the example used in training videos here is when you come into the office and you say hi to everyone but deliberately ignore one person, if it is repeated or obvious then it is bullying.

                  – solarflare
                  18 hours ago




                  1




                  1





                  In training examples, bullying is normally in a work-related context, such as not inviting a team member to a working lunch or excluding them from a planning meeting that everyone else attends. It is not about what happens in a personal context, such as inviting work-mates into your home for a house-warming.

                  – Peter
                  12 hours ago





                  In training examples, bullying is normally in a work-related context, such as not inviting a team member to a working lunch or excluding them from a planning meeting that everyone else attends. It is not about what happens in a personal context, such as inviting work-mates into your home for a house-warming.

                  – Peter
                  12 hours ago













                  @Peter I could see a grey area being when you invite everyone during work hours. The obvious solution would be to call/text/talk to them outside of work to invite them, therefore removing the possibility of making your coworker feel excluded from something work related and therefore "bullied".

                  – JMac
                  3 hours ago





                  @Peter I could see a grey area being when you invite everyone during work hours. The obvious solution would be to call/text/talk to them outside of work to invite them, therefore removing the possibility of making your coworker feel excluded from something work related and therefore "bullied".

                  – JMac
                  3 hours ago













                  @Peter thats why I said "workplace related". If it is a personal activity then no one can dispute it. However for an external meeting to become a "workplace related activity" all it would take is people to start discussing work, then it becomes a work related meeting. OP is on thin ice with this one, the safest thing to do is invite everyone and be civil. (IMHO)

                  – solarflare
                  1 hour ago





                  @Peter thats why I said "workplace related". If it is a personal activity then no one can dispute it. However for an external meeting to become a "workplace related activity" all it would take is people to start discussing work, then it becomes a work related meeting. OP is on thin ice with this one, the safest thing to do is invite everyone and be civil. (IMHO)

                  – solarflare
                  1 hour ago











                  1














                  Telling a personal story, it did happen to me that two coworkers did not invite me for their respective marriages, while inviting most people in the department.



                  I did nothing about it. I have no quarrel with them, and those are particularly expensive parties, so I respect their right to invite whoever they want. In both cases, other people came to me and asked if I would be attending, to which I provided lame excuses. In both cases I did not confront them, despite I suspecting the invitations had been handed at the workplace while I was in vacation, but I thought of no way to ask about that which would not result in the person believing I wanted to invite myself.



                  A party at your house could also be a subject of limited attendee's numbers. There's at least a finite number of chairs at your house. It could as well be your wife's party.



                  In your case, you do have a reason to have issues with said colleague.



                  My advice is that you should avoid to do this kind of party frequently. One party I'm not invited, I suck it up. If every week there's a party and I'm out, this crosses the border to what I believe I should tolerate.



                  Then again, if you are not a manager now or in the near future, what could said person do? In my case there was nothing HR could or should do for me. You mention that HR did nothing about the harassment situation, maybe he has actually been adverted verbally or in written in private (as this things should be done), but you were not informed. Would receiving a warning pose a problem to you? If I was your manager, I'd follow the companies policies, but I would think no less of you for a misconduct of this kind.



                  Consider as well to invite the person out of politeness, If someone I dislike is hosting an event, I'll likely be voluntarily out, maybe I'll show up late and leave early. Seems like your guy would not do this though.



                  In a different note, remember to maintain friends outside the workplace! I strongly recommend having a social life that does not depend on coworkers. Imagine you get fired, would you be able to keep up attending parties with all the coworkers who are still at the same company? If you became their boss, wouldn't that unbalance the relationships? I'm saying that because if I moved to a new place, I would first throw a party with my non-coworker friends.






                  share|improve this answer




























                    1














                    Telling a personal story, it did happen to me that two coworkers did not invite me for their respective marriages, while inviting most people in the department.



                    I did nothing about it. I have no quarrel with them, and those are particularly expensive parties, so I respect their right to invite whoever they want. In both cases, other people came to me and asked if I would be attending, to which I provided lame excuses. In both cases I did not confront them, despite I suspecting the invitations had been handed at the workplace while I was in vacation, but I thought of no way to ask about that which would not result in the person believing I wanted to invite myself.



                    A party at your house could also be a subject of limited attendee's numbers. There's at least a finite number of chairs at your house. It could as well be your wife's party.



                    In your case, you do have a reason to have issues with said colleague.



                    My advice is that you should avoid to do this kind of party frequently. One party I'm not invited, I suck it up. If every week there's a party and I'm out, this crosses the border to what I believe I should tolerate.



                    Then again, if you are not a manager now or in the near future, what could said person do? In my case there was nothing HR could or should do for me. You mention that HR did nothing about the harassment situation, maybe he has actually been adverted verbally or in written in private (as this things should be done), but you were not informed. Would receiving a warning pose a problem to you? If I was your manager, I'd follow the companies policies, but I would think no less of you for a misconduct of this kind.



                    Consider as well to invite the person out of politeness, If someone I dislike is hosting an event, I'll likely be voluntarily out, maybe I'll show up late and leave early. Seems like your guy would not do this though.



                    In a different note, remember to maintain friends outside the workplace! I strongly recommend having a social life that does not depend on coworkers. Imagine you get fired, would you be able to keep up attending parties with all the coworkers who are still at the same company? If you became their boss, wouldn't that unbalance the relationships? I'm saying that because if I moved to a new place, I would first throw a party with my non-coworker friends.






                    share|improve this answer


























                      1












                      1








                      1







                      Telling a personal story, it did happen to me that two coworkers did not invite me for their respective marriages, while inviting most people in the department.



                      I did nothing about it. I have no quarrel with them, and those are particularly expensive parties, so I respect their right to invite whoever they want. In both cases, other people came to me and asked if I would be attending, to which I provided lame excuses. In both cases I did not confront them, despite I suspecting the invitations had been handed at the workplace while I was in vacation, but I thought of no way to ask about that which would not result in the person believing I wanted to invite myself.



                      A party at your house could also be a subject of limited attendee's numbers. There's at least a finite number of chairs at your house. It could as well be your wife's party.



                      In your case, you do have a reason to have issues with said colleague.



                      My advice is that you should avoid to do this kind of party frequently. One party I'm not invited, I suck it up. If every week there's a party and I'm out, this crosses the border to what I believe I should tolerate.



                      Then again, if you are not a manager now or in the near future, what could said person do? In my case there was nothing HR could or should do for me. You mention that HR did nothing about the harassment situation, maybe he has actually been adverted verbally or in written in private (as this things should be done), but you were not informed. Would receiving a warning pose a problem to you? If I was your manager, I'd follow the companies policies, but I would think no less of you for a misconduct of this kind.



                      Consider as well to invite the person out of politeness, If someone I dislike is hosting an event, I'll likely be voluntarily out, maybe I'll show up late and leave early. Seems like your guy would not do this though.



                      In a different note, remember to maintain friends outside the workplace! I strongly recommend having a social life that does not depend on coworkers. Imagine you get fired, would you be able to keep up attending parties with all the coworkers who are still at the same company? If you became their boss, wouldn't that unbalance the relationships? I'm saying that because if I moved to a new place, I would first throw a party with my non-coworker friends.






                      share|improve this answer













                      Telling a personal story, it did happen to me that two coworkers did not invite me for their respective marriages, while inviting most people in the department.



                      I did nothing about it. I have no quarrel with them, and those are particularly expensive parties, so I respect their right to invite whoever they want. In both cases, other people came to me and asked if I would be attending, to which I provided lame excuses. In both cases I did not confront them, despite I suspecting the invitations had been handed at the workplace while I was in vacation, but I thought of no way to ask about that which would not result in the person believing I wanted to invite myself.



                      A party at your house could also be a subject of limited attendee's numbers. There's at least a finite number of chairs at your house. It could as well be your wife's party.



                      In your case, you do have a reason to have issues with said colleague.



                      My advice is that you should avoid to do this kind of party frequently. One party I'm not invited, I suck it up. If every week there's a party and I'm out, this crosses the border to what I believe I should tolerate.



                      Then again, if you are not a manager now or in the near future, what could said person do? In my case there was nothing HR could or should do for me. You mention that HR did nothing about the harassment situation, maybe he has actually been adverted verbally or in written in private (as this things should be done), but you were not informed. Would receiving a warning pose a problem to you? If I was your manager, I'd follow the companies policies, but I would think no less of you for a misconduct of this kind.



                      Consider as well to invite the person out of politeness, If someone I dislike is hosting an event, I'll likely be voluntarily out, maybe I'll show up late and leave early. Seems like your guy would not do this though.



                      In a different note, remember to maintain friends outside the workplace! I strongly recommend having a social life that does not depend on coworkers. Imagine you get fired, would you be able to keep up attending parties with all the coworkers who are still at the same company? If you became their boss, wouldn't that unbalance the relationships? I'm saying that because if I moved to a new place, I would first throw a party with my non-coworker friends.







                      share|improve this answer












                      share|improve this answer



                      share|improve this answer










                      answered 5 hours ago









                      MefiticoMefitico

                      2218




                      2218























                          0














                          It is your party, and therefore appropriate to invite only who you want to. If you don't invite him and he confronts you, tell him he was not invited because your wife specifically asked you not to invite him, due to his previous sexual harassment of her.






                          share|improve this answer








                          New contributor




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                          • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                            – V2Blast
                            6 hours ago











                          • If it were me, and my wife were the reason I wasn't inviting someone, I wouldn't bring her into it. Either take the heat for it or because it is work give another (possibly transparent/flimsy) excuse like "We only had enough chairs for X people."

                            – J. Chris Compton
                            5 hours ago
















                          0














                          It is your party, and therefore appropriate to invite only who you want to. If you don't invite him and he confronts you, tell him he was not invited because your wife specifically asked you not to invite him, due to his previous sexual harassment of her.






                          share|improve this answer








                          New contributor




                          Chris Bradshaw is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                          Check out our Code of Conduct.





















                          • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                            – V2Blast
                            6 hours ago











                          • If it were me, and my wife were the reason I wasn't inviting someone, I wouldn't bring her into it. Either take the heat for it or because it is work give another (possibly transparent/flimsy) excuse like "We only had enough chairs for X people."

                            – J. Chris Compton
                            5 hours ago














                          0












                          0








                          0







                          It is your party, and therefore appropriate to invite only who you want to. If you don't invite him and he confronts you, tell him he was not invited because your wife specifically asked you not to invite him, due to his previous sexual harassment of her.






                          share|improve this answer








                          New contributor




                          Chris Bradshaw is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                          Check out our Code of Conduct.










                          It is your party, and therefore appropriate to invite only who you want to. If you don't invite him and he confronts you, tell him he was not invited because your wife specifically asked you not to invite him, due to his previous sexual harassment of her.







                          share|improve this answer








                          New contributor




                          Chris Bradshaw is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                          Check out our Code of Conduct.









                          share|improve this answer



                          share|improve this answer






                          New contributor




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                          answered 6 hours ago









                          Chris BradshawChris Bradshaw

                          1




                          1




                          New contributor




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                          New contributor





                          Chris Bradshaw is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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                          Chris Bradshaw is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                          Check out our Code of Conduct.













                          • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                            – V2Blast
                            6 hours ago











                          • If it were me, and my wife were the reason I wasn't inviting someone, I wouldn't bring her into it. Either take the heat for it or because it is work give another (possibly transparent/flimsy) excuse like "We only had enough chairs for X people."

                            – J. Chris Compton
                            5 hours ago



















                          • Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                            – V2Blast
                            6 hours ago











                          • If it were me, and my wife were the reason I wasn't inviting someone, I wouldn't bring her into it. Either take the heat for it or because it is work give another (possibly transparent/flimsy) excuse like "We only had enough chairs for X people."

                            – J. Chris Compton
                            5 hours ago

















                          Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                          – V2Blast
                          6 hours ago





                          Welcome to the Workplace! Take the tour if you haven't already.

                          – V2Blast
                          6 hours ago













                          If it were me, and my wife were the reason I wasn't inviting someone, I wouldn't bring her into it. Either take the heat for it or because it is work give another (possibly transparent/flimsy) excuse like "We only had enough chairs for X people."

                          – J. Chris Compton
                          5 hours ago





                          If it were me, and my wife were the reason I wasn't inviting someone, I wouldn't bring her into it. Either take the heat for it or because it is work give another (possibly transparent/flimsy) excuse like "We only had enough chairs for X people."

                          – J. Chris Compton
                          5 hours ago











                          0














                          (1) Make invitations orally - no e-mail trail unless it is personal e-mails or texts.

                          (2) Make it explicit who is invited and who is not, but you do not have to justify why or any details, not even about the harassment or anything - that is a separate issue.



                          Example: "Hi Jane, I'm having a housewarming on XYZ, would you and yours be interested in attending? This is a private event with some other coworkers."



                          === The Sexual Harassment is absolutely not related to this question, but I'd advise you to make sure you follow-up on that ===






                          share|improve this answer




























                            0














                            (1) Make invitations orally - no e-mail trail unless it is personal e-mails or texts.

                            (2) Make it explicit who is invited and who is not, but you do not have to justify why or any details, not even about the harassment or anything - that is a separate issue.



                            Example: "Hi Jane, I'm having a housewarming on XYZ, would you and yours be interested in attending? This is a private event with some other coworkers."



                            === The Sexual Harassment is absolutely not related to this question, but I'd advise you to make sure you follow-up on that ===






                            share|improve this answer


























                              0












                              0








                              0







                              (1) Make invitations orally - no e-mail trail unless it is personal e-mails or texts.

                              (2) Make it explicit who is invited and who is not, but you do not have to justify why or any details, not even about the harassment or anything - that is a separate issue.



                              Example: "Hi Jane, I'm having a housewarming on XYZ, would you and yours be interested in attending? This is a private event with some other coworkers."



                              === The Sexual Harassment is absolutely not related to this question, but I'd advise you to make sure you follow-up on that ===






                              share|improve this answer













                              (1) Make invitations orally - no e-mail trail unless it is personal e-mails or texts.

                              (2) Make it explicit who is invited and who is not, but you do not have to justify why or any details, not even about the harassment or anything - that is a separate issue.



                              Example: "Hi Jane, I'm having a housewarming on XYZ, would you and yours be interested in attending? This is a private event with some other coworkers."



                              === The Sexual Harassment is absolutely not related to this question, but I'd advise you to make sure you follow-up on that ===







                              share|improve this answer












                              share|improve this answer



                              share|improve this answer










                              answered 6 hours ago









                              MikeyMikey

                              26717




                              26717























                                  0














                                  I don't necessarily agree that inviting the colleagues creates an obligation to invite all 8. As a person, I may invite any friends I wish to my parties, and clearly the one colleague is not my friend. The key here is that this party does not become a work event. I can have fun with people, but if I'm making the party about work, then it would not be appropriate to exclude only one work colleague.






                                  share|improve this answer








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                                  • Yeah, just invite some non-work people and it won't be thought of as a "work event"

                                    – Noah Cristino
                                    2 hours ago
















                                  0














                                  I don't necessarily agree that inviting the colleagues creates an obligation to invite all 8. As a person, I may invite any friends I wish to my parties, and clearly the one colleague is not my friend. The key here is that this party does not become a work event. I can have fun with people, but if I'm making the party about work, then it would not be appropriate to exclude only one work colleague.






                                  share|improve this answer








                                  New contributor




                                  user45266 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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                                  • Yeah, just invite some non-work people and it won't be thought of as a "work event"

                                    – Noah Cristino
                                    2 hours ago














                                  0












                                  0








                                  0







                                  I don't necessarily agree that inviting the colleagues creates an obligation to invite all 8. As a person, I may invite any friends I wish to my parties, and clearly the one colleague is not my friend. The key here is that this party does not become a work event. I can have fun with people, but if I'm making the party about work, then it would not be appropriate to exclude only one work colleague.






                                  share|improve this answer








                                  New contributor




                                  user45266 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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                                  I don't necessarily agree that inviting the colleagues creates an obligation to invite all 8. As a person, I may invite any friends I wish to my parties, and clearly the one colleague is not my friend. The key here is that this party does not become a work event. I can have fun with people, but if I'm making the party about work, then it would not be appropriate to exclude only one work colleague.







                                  share|improve this answer








                                  New contributor




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                                  share|improve this answer



                                  share|improve this answer






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                                  answered 5 hours ago









                                  user45266user45266

                                  1012




                                  1012




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                                  New contributor





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                                  • Yeah, just invite some non-work people and it won't be thought of as a "work event"

                                    – Noah Cristino
                                    2 hours ago



















                                  • Yeah, just invite some non-work people and it won't be thought of as a "work event"

                                    – Noah Cristino
                                    2 hours ago

















                                  Yeah, just invite some non-work people and it won't be thought of as a "work event"

                                  – Noah Cristino
                                  2 hours ago





                                  Yeah, just invite some non-work people and it won't be thought of as a "work event"

                                  – Noah Cristino
                                  2 hours ago











                                  0














                                  That depends, how bad is the --




                                  The other guy has sexually harassed me and my wife separately (my wife
                                  doesn't work here), gets really drunk and says racist things, and has
                                  to dominate every conversation.




                                  yeah, come on, you know the answer to this. You don't owe him anything. If I was one of your coworkers, I'd be upset if you invited him. Don't invite him.






                                  share|improve this answer








                                  New contributor




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                                    0














                                    That depends, how bad is the --




                                    The other guy has sexually harassed me and my wife separately (my wife
                                    doesn't work here), gets really drunk and says racist things, and has
                                    to dominate every conversation.




                                    yeah, come on, you know the answer to this. You don't owe him anything. If I was one of your coworkers, I'd be upset if you invited him. Don't invite him.






                                    share|improve this answer








                                    New contributor




                                    Daniel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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                                      0












                                      0








                                      0







                                      That depends, how bad is the --




                                      The other guy has sexually harassed me and my wife separately (my wife
                                      doesn't work here), gets really drunk and says racist things, and has
                                      to dominate every conversation.




                                      yeah, come on, you know the answer to this. You don't owe him anything. If I was one of your coworkers, I'd be upset if you invited him. Don't invite him.






                                      share|improve this answer








                                      New contributor




                                      Daniel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                                      Check out our Code of Conduct.










                                      That depends, how bad is the --




                                      The other guy has sexually harassed me and my wife separately (my wife
                                      doesn't work here), gets really drunk and says racist things, and has
                                      to dominate every conversation.




                                      yeah, come on, you know the answer to this. You don't owe him anything. If I was one of your coworkers, I'd be upset if you invited him. Don't invite him.







                                      share|improve this answer








                                      New contributor




                                      Daniel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                                      Check out our Code of Conduct.









                                      share|improve this answer



                                      share|improve this answer






                                      New contributor




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                                      answered 2 hours ago









                                      DanielDaniel

                                      1012




                                      1012




                                      New contributor




                                      Daniel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                                      Check out our Code of Conduct.





                                      New contributor





                                      Daniel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                                      Check out our Code of Conduct.






                                      Daniel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                                      Check out our Code of Conduct.























                                          -2














                                          You opted to invite (nearly) all your coworkers. In a sense, you have now created a privately sanctioned company party. You can dress it up any other way you wish, but few people will see it any other way.



                                          By excluding one coworker, you are going to be burning bridges, and your coworkers that are present will notice. This doesn't go over well for you in the long term.



                                          Should you invite the person, their actions will be their own, and you will be a gracious host. Should you not invite the person, your actions will be your own, and even if most people agree with them today, any sympathy the person can raise will illustrate that you did the slight, and your coworkers will notice that you are willing to hurt the feelings of others.



                                          In short, you have little to gain by not inviting this person.






                                          share|improve this answer
























                                          • That can be fixed by inviting a non-work friend to the party.

                                            – J. Chris Compton
                                            5 hours ago











                                          • @J.ChrisCompton No, it cannot be fixed this way. It can be fixed by not inviting more than half of your work group, but it cannot be fixed by making it "all your company, except Chris, and a bunch of other people"

                                            – Edwin Buck
                                            5 hours ago













                                          • I understand what you are saying. The party guests are co-workers who already spend time together as friends outside of work. I don't see a problem with it - whether you invite an eighth friend or not.

                                            – J. Chris Compton
                                            5 hours ago











                                          • @J.ChrisCompton It is easy to say one doesn't have a problem with it, if one is looking from the point of view of an invited person, or a disaffected bystander. However, if one is looking at it from the point of view of the non-invited person, it's obviously going to cause that person pain. Causing unnecessary pain in others is not going to make the host better regarded by her coworkers, even if the coworkers don't like the non-invited person. You might not have a problem with it, but that hints that you don't have a problem hurting this person's feelings. Not nice.

                                            – Edwin Buck
                                            5 hours ago






                                          • 1





                                            @EdwinBuck Have you considered that inviting this person could also burn bridges? OP said this person has been reported to HR by multiple people, if he knows this, all 7 of his co-workers likely do too. If you invite this person, could you not be seen as condoning their racist/sexually aggressive behavior? Everyone at the party may think less of you for inviting someone to your personal party (if they even show up, knowing that they are disliked), that no one wanted there.

                                            – GrumpyCrouton
                                            3 hours ago


















                                          -2














                                          You opted to invite (nearly) all your coworkers. In a sense, you have now created a privately sanctioned company party. You can dress it up any other way you wish, but few people will see it any other way.



                                          By excluding one coworker, you are going to be burning bridges, and your coworkers that are present will notice. This doesn't go over well for you in the long term.



                                          Should you invite the person, their actions will be their own, and you will be a gracious host. Should you not invite the person, your actions will be your own, and even if most people agree with them today, any sympathy the person can raise will illustrate that you did the slight, and your coworkers will notice that you are willing to hurt the feelings of others.



                                          In short, you have little to gain by not inviting this person.






                                          share|improve this answer
























                                          • That can be fixed by inviting a non-work friend to the party.

                                            – J. Chris Compton
                                            5 hours ago











                                          • @J.ChrisCompton No, it cannot be fixed this way. It can be fixed by not inviting more than half of your work group, but it cannot be fixed by making it "all your company, except Chris, and a bunch of other people"

                                            – Edwin Buck
                                            5 hours ago













                                          • I understand what you are saying. The party guests are co-workers who already spend time together as friends outside of work. I don't see a problem with it - whether you invite an eighth friend or not.

                                            – J. Chris Compton
                                            5 hours ago











                                          • @J.ChrisCompton It is easy to say one doesn't have a problem with it, if one is looking from the point of view of an invited person, or a disaffected bystander. However, if one is looking at it from the point of view of the non-invited person, it's obviously going to cause that person pain. Causing unnecessary pain in others is not going to make the host better regarded by her coworkers, even if the coworkers don't like the non-invited person. You might not have a problem with it, but that hints that you don't have a problem hurting this person's feelings. Not nice.

                                            – Edwin Buck
                                            5 hours ago






                                          • 1





                                            @EdwinBuck Have you considered that inviting this person could also burn bridges? OP said this person has been reported to HR by multiple people, if he knows this, all 7 of his co-workers likely do too. If you invite this person, could you not be seen as condoning their racist/sexually aggressive behavior? Everyone at the party may think less of you for inviting someone to your personal party (if they even show up, knowing that they are disliked), that no one wanted there.

                                            – GrumpyCrouton
                                            3 hours ago
















                                          -2












                                          -2








                                          -2







                                          You opted to invite (nearly) all your coworkers. In a sense, you have now created a privately sanctioned company party. You can dress it up any other way you wish, but few people will see it any other way.



                                          By excluding one coworker, you are going to be burning bridges, and your coworkers that are present will notice. This doesn't go over well for you in the long term.



                                          Should you invite the person, their actions will be their own, and you will be a gracious host. Should you not invite the person, your actions will be your own, and even if most people agree with them today, any sympathy the person can raise will illustrate that you did the slight, and your coworkers will notice that you are willing to hurt the feelings of others.



                                          In short, you have little to gain by not inviting this person.






                                          share|improve this answer













                                          You opted to invite (nearly) all your coworkers. In a sense, you have now created a privately sanctioned company party. You can dress it up any other way you wish, but few people will see it any other way.



                                          By excluding one coworker, you are going to be burning bridges, and your coworkers that are present will notice. This doesn't go over well for you in the long term.



                                          Should you invite the person, their actions will be their own, and you will be a gracious host. Should you not invite the person, your actions will be your own, and even if most people agree with them today, any sympathy the person can raise will illustrate that you did the slight, and your coworkers will notice that you are willing to hurt the feelings of others.



                                          In short, you have little to gain by not inviting this person.







                                          share|improve this answer












                                          share|improve this answer



                                          share|improve this answer










                                          answered 6 hours ago









                                          Edwin BuckEdwin Buck

                                          2,5791019




                                          2,5791019













                                          • That can be fixed by inviting a non-work friend to the party.

                                            – J. Chris Compton
                                            5 hours ago











                                          • @J.ChrisCompton No, it cannot be fixed this way. It can be fixed by not inviting more than half of your work group, but it cannot be fixed by making it "all your company, except Chris, and a bunch of other people"

                                            – Edwin Buck
                                            5 hours ago













                                          • I understand what you are saying. The party guests are co-workers who already spend time together as friends outside of work. I don't see a problem with it - whether you invite an eighth friend or not.

                                            – J. Chris Compton
                                            5 hours ago











                                          • @J.ChrisCompton It is easy to say one doesn't have a problem with it, if one is looking from the point of view of an invited person, or a disaffected bystander. However, if one is looking at it from the point of view of the non-invited person, it's obviously going to cause that person pain. Causing unnecessary pain in others is not going to make the host better regarded by her coworkers, even if the coworkers don't like the non-invited person. You might not have a problem with it, but that hints that you don't have a problem hurting this person's feelings. Not nice.

                                            – Edwin Buck
                                            5 hours ago






                                          • 1





                                            @EdwinBuck Have you considered that inviting this person could also burn bridges? OP said this person has been reported to HR by multiple people, if he knows this, all 7 of his co-workers likely do too. If you invite this person, could you not be seen as condoning their racist/sexually aggressive behavior? Everyone at the party may think less of you for inviting someone to your personal party (if they even show up, knowing that they are disliked), that no one wanted there.

                                            – GrumpyCrouton
                                            3 hours ago





















                                          • That can be fixed by inviting a non-work friend to the party.

                                            – J. Chris Compton
                                            5 hours ago











                                          • @J.ChrisCompton No, it cannot be fixed this way. It can be fixed by not inviting more than half of your work group, but it cannot be fixed by making it "all your company, except Chris, and a bunch of other people"

                                            – Edwin Buck
                                            5 hours ago













                                          • I understand what you are saying. The party guests are co-workers who already spend time together as friends outside of work. I don't see a problem with it - whether you invite an eighth friend or not.

                                            – J. Chris Compton
                                            5 hours ago











                                          • @J.ChrisCompton It is easy to say one doesn't have a problem with it, if one is looking from the point of view of an invited person, or a disaffected bystander. However, if one is looking at it from the point of view of the non-invited person, it's obviously going to cause that person pain. Causing unnecessary pain in others is not going to make the host better regarded by her coworkers, even if the coworkers don't like the non-invited person. You might not have a problem with it, but that hints that you don't have a problem hurting this person's feelings. Not nice.

                                            – Edwin Buck
                                            5 hours ago






                                          • 1





                                            @EdwinBuck Have you considered that inviting this person could also burn bridges? OP said this person has been reported to HR by multiple people, if he knows this, all 7 of his co-workers likely do too. If you invite this person, could you not be seen as condoning their racist/sexually aggressive behavior? Everyone at the party may think less of you for inviting someone to your personal party (if they even show up, knowing that they are disliked), that no one wanted there.

                                            – GrumpyCrouton
                                            3 hours ago



















                                          That can be fixed by inviting a non-work friend to the party.

                                          – J. Chris Compton
                                          5 hours ago





                                          That can be fixed by inviting a non-work friend to the party.

                                          – J. Chris Compton
                                          5 hours ago













                                          @J.ChrisCompton No, it cannot be fixed this way. It can be fixed by not inviting more than half of your work group, but it cannot be fixed by making it "all your company, except Chris, and a bunch of other people"

                                          – Edwin Buck
                                          5 hours ago







                                          @J.ChrisCompton No, it cannot be fixed this way. It can be fixed by not inviting more than half of your work group, but it cannot be fixed by making it "all your company, except Chris, and a bunch of other people"

                                          – Edwin Buck
                                          5 hours ago















                                          I understand what you are saying. The party guests are co-workers who already spend time together as friends outside of work. I don't see a problem with it - whether you invite an eighth friend or not.

                                          – J. Chris Compton
                                          5 hours ago





                                          I understand what you are saying. The party guests are co-workers who already spend time together as friends outside of work. I don't see a problem with it - whether you invite an eighth friend or not.

                                          – J. Chris Compton
                                          5 hours ago













                                          @J.ChrisCompton It is easy to say one doesn't have a problem with it, if one is looking from the point of view of an invited person, or a disaffected bystander. However, if one is looking at it from the point of view of the non-invited person, it's obviously going to cause that person pain. Causing unnecessary pain in others is not going to make the host better regarded by her coworkers, even if the coworkers don't like the non-invited person. You might not have a problem with it, but that hints that you don't have a problem hurting this person's feelings. Not nice.

                                          – Edwin Buck
                                          5 hours ago





                                          @J.ChrisCompton It is easy to say one doesn't have a problem with it, if one is looking from the point of view of an invited person, or a disaffected bystander. However, if one is looking at it from the point of view of the non-invited person, it's obviously going to cause that person pain. Causing unnecessary pain in others is not going to make the host better regarded by her coworkers, even if the coworkers don't like the non-invited person. You might not have a problem with it, but that hints that you don't have a problem hurting this person's feelings. Not nice.

                                          – Edwin Buck
                                          5 hours ago




                                          1




                                          1





                                          @EdwinBuck Have you considered that inviting this person could also burn bridges? OP said this person has been reported to HR by multiple people, if he knows this, all 7 of his co-workers likely do too. If you invite this person, could you not be seen as condoning their racist/sexually aggressive behavior? Everyone at the party may think less of you for inviting someone to your personal party (if they even show up, knowing that they are disliked), that no one wanted there.

                                          – GrumpyCrouton
                                          3 hours ago







                                          @EdwinBuck Have you considered that inviting this person could also burn bridges? OP said this person has been reported to HR by multiple people, if he knows this, all 7 of his co-workers likely do too. If you invite this person, could you not be seen as condoning their racist/sexually aggressive behavior? Everyone at the party may think less of you for inviting someone to your personal party (if they even show up, knowing that they are disliked), that no one wanted there.

                                          – GrumpyCrouton
                                          3 hours ago







                                          protected by Community 2 hours ago



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